A Mother's Dream Come True

By Constance Taylor, Employment Job Coach

When Edwina joined our family at Community LINC she was very pleasant, but withdrawn and extremely independent. Although she wanted to finish college and get her degree she knew her highest priority was to continue working to secure permanent housing for herself and her two little boys. School would have to wait until the future as her children needed a place to call home.

Edwina had a few barriers prevented her from moving forward:  lack of transportation and several outstanding bills.  After working with Edwina and noticing her attitude towards reaching her goals, I realized that she was highly self-motivated.  She was introduced to Community LINC at the right time. Having a place to stay for a few months without the responsibility of paying rent and utilities, she was able to put herself in better financial position by saving her money.  Within a short time she had located a warrant amnesty program which removed $3,000 in traffic tickets and fees. Her face truly beamed as she shared her good news. Without a valid driver’s license and reliable transportation, Edwina had struggled to maintain employment and was unable to transport her children to and from daycare.  Through the Community LINC budgeting classes and savings plan she will be able to soon purchase her own car

Sometimes our dreams are not always bright lights.  Edwina works a split shift at a local restaurant.  In between shifts she picks her children up at the daycare and brings them home. Later she returns the children to daycare, then returns to work to finish her next shift.  Although she is making minimum wage Edwin has managed to save more than $1,000.  A few weeks ago, during apartment inspections, we entered Edwina’s apartment and found her fast asleep still in her work uniform.  Edwina wants the best for herself and her children and is willing to do all she can to overcome homelessness.  Recently, she informed me that she located an outside agency to assist in paying off a past judgement that will clear the way for her to move into the apartment complex of her choice with her boys.

After she moves to her new home, her next goal is to improve her income and finish school. One of the most exciting things in the world for me is to witness participants like Edwina overcome their barriers and move forward. The big smile on her face every time she meets an expectation is an over the top experience that brings my heart joy. Edwina and her sons are definitely moving in the right direction to become self- sufficient again.  

Children's Matters: The Barriers to Change

By Josh Chittum, Children's Program Coordinator

         Ending homelessness and transforming lives are the phrases that inform our mission.  As we carry this mission out, I intimately observe the process of change in the families we work with. From the outside looking in, this process can become frustrating, especially when time is of the essence to secure permanent housing. This frustration subsides when the reality of the difficulties of change in my personal life come into focus. Recently, something came into focus in a very vivid way and helped me gain a new layer of empathy for our program participants.

         It started with my anxiety. Since my earliest memory, I've experienced anxiety in some shape or form. Panic Attack Disorder started as a teenager. And for the majority of the last ten years, every time I've left my house I've carried a little orange bottle that serves as my safety blanket in case anxiety attacks me while I’m having dinner with friends. 

         Roughly one year ago I sought to take another step forward, having previously taken many steps, in my quest to escape anxiety’s grip. I purchased a book that came highly recommended and its intention was to teach the reader how to combat the worried mind with mindful acceptance of that worry. In the opening pages the author stated that my dependency upon that little orange pill bottle actually made things worse. Cutting myself off from it, he argued, would in the long run improve my coping skills and lessen my symptoms. This concept would not sink into my brain deep enough for full comprehension. Instead, I viscerally rejected the idea and placed the book off to the side where it has since remained unopened.

        Then, a few months ago my wife and I went camping and I placed the bottle in my camping pack. Returning back to the city and back to the routine of work I realized after three or four days that the medication was not on my person. I had forgotten to unpack it from the camping trip and I gasped at the fact that nothing terrible had occurred. In fact, in the following weeks I weaned myself off the pill bottle almost completely and indeed my symptoms have improved. 

        These are the messy stages of change. Incomprehension. Fear. Resistance. Painfully slow steps forward and backward. And forward again. It is unbelievably hard to implement change, even when I do not have the same set of obstacles before me as the wonderful people I interact with every single day at Community LINC.

        While some of our residents are fully aware of the changes they need to make and are working towards those changes, they cannot flip an immediate switch. Others are more like me and viscerally react to a proposed new way of doing things. They put the idea on a shelf for another, unidentified time in the future. 

        But as an agency, even when those individuals are not yet ready to wrestle with the scariness that change presents, we continue to walk with them. We listen to them. We provide resources to them. We encourage them. We may even gently push them at certain times. And we plant seeds in them. These seeds may not sprout until months or years after they've left. But that’s the true anatomy of change. That's the work I’m proud of us for doing. That's the work of transforming lives. 

Toxic Relationships

By Dacia Moore, Licensed Professional Counselor

I am reading a book this summer entitled Toxic Relationships by Dr. Clinton W. McLemore.  It is an in- depth look at styles of communication and how some patterns of interaction can be more hurtful then helpful.  According to the author, “toxic relationships leave you feeling gray inside and sometimes sick.  They may prompt you to get down on yourself or become angry at the world.”

 So many of our program participants are dealing with toxic relationships.  Here at Community LINC, we try to show them a different way of interacting with others and with the world.  And to me, that is one of the major challenges that we address in the mental wellness health department. We help our residents become less “toxic” and learn to identify a potentially toxic relationship early on.  We even discuss how a family member or a spouse can be toxic and how to manage that relationship.

One example is a client that I am working with in the aftercare program. Ms. C appears to be married to a toxic man.  When she doesn’t do as he commands or drop everything and give him her full attention, he ridicules her, tells her she is a bad wife and a terrible Christian. He calls out her name and embarrasses her in front of her children.  As a result, Ms. C gets so upset and stressed out that she goes to work late, if at all, and has become physically ill on more than one occasion. 

As the Aftercare Therapist, my job is to help her, and all of our aftercare clients, to think more rationally so that they don’t make an emotional decision that leads them back down the path to homelessness. When you are in a toxic relationship like Ms. C that is a real possibility.  Ms. C and I have a good relationship and she now calls me right after an incident so I can help her calm down, think clearly and make good decisions for her future. She is not ready to leave this toxic relationship yet, so, I will help her navigate through her difficulties until (if ever) she is.

Toxic relationships are everywhere and our residents seem to struggle with them more often than most.  That is why the mental wellness health and aftercare components of our program are so important.  They help our clients identify when they are getting close to a toxic situation, and teach them tools to use for self-calming and self-care so they can continue their upward progress towards permanent housing and a good life.

Ms. C is doing better now, but still needs help (don’t we all!).  Thank goodness for a community of caring people who work with our clients at each step of our program to show them a different way of doing things that is not TOXIC!!! 

Supporting Our Families Through Complex Trauma.

By Griselda Williams, Mental Wellness Manager

I recently read an article from the National Child Traumatic Stress Network. The article explored Complex Trauma in adults and children who have experienced homelessness. Complex Trauma was identified as “exposure to multiple traumatic events, often of an invasive interpersonal nature”, i.e. physical, sexual and emotional abuse, neglect, community and domestic violence. The article lists things to look for in parents who are traumatized when they enter a shelter or housing assistance program:

•  Easily overwhelmed, irritated, or withdrawn
• May suddenly “fly off the handle” or “shut down” (called numbing emotions)
• May be disorganized in thought or speech or have trouble remembering detail, completing parenting tasks, attending appointments and/or following through on requests
• Difficulty separating emotions from those of their children and may have difficulty providing what their children need, like a sense of safety and structure
• May lack knowledge of appropriate developmental stages in their children
• Repeated trauma may impair the ability to be open to participation in available services

 Focusing on the parent reactions due to trauma is helpful for me as a mental health provider. This list helps me remember that if a parent does not appear to engage with staff right away, the impact may be a result of trauma. When the parent appears too anxious to focus on tasks or regularly forgets appointments or action steps related to goals, the impact of trauma may be the barrier. Sometimes we as staff may think that a parent does not want to engage in our program but what may really be impacting them is their traumatic event history. If we think back to a really traumatic time in our lives, i.e. the death of a loved one, job loss, an assault or divorce , we may have had a difficult time focusing, or we may appear withdrawn to others. Perhaps we had a difficult time returning to work after the trauma or we engaged in behaviors that were not supportive to us at the time. It was probably difficult to function well but given that we were responding from a “trauma point of view” we too may have reacted as the parent we see in our program. The authors of the article had recommendations for those of us in the helping field:

•  Work with families to enhance a sense of safety
• Take time to build trust
• Listen without judgement
• End policies that have unintended negative consequences
• Adopt a harm-reduction approach

 The article suggested that we remember that traumatic experiences may make it difficult for our families to form trusting relationships in a brief amount of time. How many times have we as staff remarked that it took a parent a few months to fully engage in our program, develop trusting relationships and move forward on goals. The great thing is the parent was able to do so, once they felt safe in the village and felt that staff were here to support them not hurt them. 

So Very Appreciative and Deserving

By Constance Taylor, Employment Services Job Coach

I get such an awesome opportunity as a job coach to work with families like Sharon and her teenage daughter.  They are such a delight to watch as they scurry together trying to put their lives in motion.

Sharon ended up in homelessness after helping to care for her parents.  Her father passed away and her mother is in a nursing home unable to care for herself. Shortly after, unable to maintain the expenses of the home, they had to move out of the house.

Sharon has a bachelor’s degree in Information Technology and is working part-time as a cashier/front desk attendant. She is willing to do whatever it takes to put her family back together again.

She is confident, but humble enough to work with our volunteer budgeters and staff learning new skills. She is appreciative of everything anyone does for her family. Her daughter is enrolled in Mind Drive, which is an engineering and science-based program for teens. She is also in job training for teens at the Halo Foundation.   

This is a woman deserving of good things. She works hard and desires to reach her potential. She also exposes her daughter to many learning opportunities.

Intake Matters: Change

By Holly Gardner, Intake Specialist

In our lobby there is a sign that greets staff and families every day.  It reads:  Change is not only inevitable, it is essential to survival. Why fear it or fight it when you can simply embrace it?  

Our families bring a host of experiences with them.  We help them organize and define next steps not just with housing; our services include budgeting, health and wellness, and referrals for legal and other issues.  We coach, we encourage and one of the primary things we see our families struggling with and preparing for is change.

Our application asks people to write down some of the things that have contributed to their current situation.  Some people write lengthy narratives about jobs, relatives, health.  Some people write a sentence or two and do their best to articulate what was and is happening in their lives.  One thing they all have in common is coping with major changes.  Loss of employment and/or a significant other are usually high on the list of contributing factors. We see bruised egos, we see loss of confidence. But in these conversations we also see the bright, burning light of perseverance.  We see them in their next job, a better job.  We see them in a home, a more stable home.  We see their kids coming and going from home base.  We see the family around the table having meals and being an active part of their new community. We let them know in all the ways we can that there may be ups and downs but they are not walking this walk alone.

Change is all around us.  It is a factor of being.  We know not all change is welcome and sometimes it brings heartaches, but it also brings growth. Here at Community LINC we do our best to embrace it, welcome it and understand it comes with living, it is inevitable.  How we choose to cope with change is what helps us adapt and eventually to thrive again. Opening ourselves up to others and asking for help can also bring change, sometimes needed and necessary to reach our goals. Today as I leave the office and go home to my busy little family. I will glance at that reminder on our wall and smile. Yes, for the most part, change is GOOD! Thanks again for the reminder.

Children's Matters: Protective Factors for Families

By Josh Chittum, Children's Program Director

Our Manager of Mental Health Services has written recently about the village effect here at Community LINC. Out of all the various members of the village, it is the family unit, small micro-villages themselves that I’d like to focus upon for this week’s blog. As Community LINC’s Children’s Program Coordinator I frequently witness the intimate ways in which families function. I see how families struggle as well as how families rely on their strengths. I also notice the impact that family health has on children and youth and their development.

To better understand the role family dynamics has on children, I traveled to Jefferson City in April for a fantastic conference organized by the Missouri Children’s Trust Fund. During the conference I attended two training sessions on a curriculum developed by the University of Missouri Extension in collaboration with the Children’s Trust Fund, Project Launch, and Missouri Department of Mental Health.

The curriculum is titled “Strong Parents, Stable Children: Building Protective Factors to Strengthen Families” and focuses on strength-based assumptions about families. From there it explores five factors that help children and youth stay safe and thrive. The five factors are: concrete need in time of support, parent resilience, parenting knowledge, social connections, and social/emotional skills of children.

I loved the strength-based approach of the curriculum and the fact that it is not designed for one specific population. The ideas presented are ideas all parents can use whether they are experiencing homelessness or not. Whether parents live in an economically depressed zip code or not does not matter. The professor who developed the curriculum uses the five concepts in his family and I know that when my wife and I start a family we will pull from these concepts as well.

When I returned from the conference I approached my supervisor and the Manager of Mental Health Services about collaborating and presenting the protective factors curriculum to parents at Community LINC. Last month we held our first session with about eight mothers and it went phenomenally well.

I shiver when I hear one-dimensional descriptions of those experiencing homelessness. The negative adjectives used to paint a picture of those that would arrive at a place like Community LINC were not on display the night of the presentation.  The mothers fortified the community village that Manager of Mental Health Services Griselda Williams speaks about. They gave each other insights, tips, and strategies, and encouraged one another when issues with their children seemed overwhelming. They took down notes when they learned something new. They were not passive recipients of information designed for those that have “failed” in life. They, along with me, were active learners engaging with the curriculum. And all of us sought to improve the lives of children staying at Community LINC.  

The implementation of this curriculum is evidence that we are not paying lip service to being a client-centered and strengths-based organization. We carry out this philosophy in the daily decisions we make.