“All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten"

By Mental Wellness Services Manager, Griselda Williams

Most of us have heard the poem by Robert Fulghum. In his poem he shares how we learn life skills early in life.  In Kindergarten we learn to take turns, have respect for others and their property, how to play fair and how to care for our bodies with nutrition and hygiene.

I was not allowed to attend Kindergarten as I was raised in rural Missouri during the time of the civil rights movement and discrimination kept me from attending school until the first grade. I did however have a strong, supportive, resilient family and extended family that made sure I learned these skills for life.  I was fortunate as a child to have been taught these skills because occasionally I see a parent or two here at Community LINC who was not taught these life skills.

Often in our parent groups we discuss topics like discipline, child development and we even discuss the parent as a role model for their child. These conversations make me realize that some of our parents weren’t shown or taught these skills but are now trying to learn these skills. This is truly exciting because even though they may not have been given these skills, most want them for their children. One parent shared the challenges she experienced as a result of not being given such skills, because she was not taught how to “hold hands and stick together”. Instead, in her family, she was often hit and screamed at and her family did not work together as a team. Another parent asked questions about how to teach his children to play nicely with one another as the two older children often bullied the younger sibling.

Those that ask these questions are often the families that grow in their awareness of life skills in the four months they reside here at Community LINC. When we see these things as staff, it continues to inspire us because we can be instrumental in assisting some of our parents with learning what others did in Kindergarten and they in turn can pass them on to the next generation.

 “All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten"
By Robert Fulghum

Most of what I really need

to know about how to live
and what to do and how to be
I learned in kindergarten.
Wisdom was not at the top
Of the graduate school mountain,
But there in the sand pile at Sunday school.
These are the things I learned
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life
Learn some and think some
and draw and paint and sing and dance
and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world
Watch out for traffic
Hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.

Children's Matters: Resilient Tree

By Children's Program Coordinator, Josh Chittum

A fantastically-talented volunteer with the Children’s Program painted this Resiliency Tree in our elementary program space a few weeks ago. There are three ingredients that help resiliency grow, which we emphasize to our children and youth. These ingredients are: thinking about what you have as opposed to what you don’t have; thinking about what you can do as opposed to what you can’t do; and thinking about who you are and the things you like about yourself.

Each month, children will decorate or write a sentence on a leaf that highlights one area in their life that boosts their resiliency. Each leaf will fall into one of the three categories discussed above. Last week was the first time children were able to hang their decorated leaves and they all thoroughly enjoyed it. Their leaves included statements like:

I have a loving family

I am sweet

I am respectful

I am cool

I can follow the rules

I feel fantastic when we give our children opportunities to focus on what’s right in their lives rather than what’s wrong. Of course, we don’t do it because it gives me warm fuzzy feelings. We do it because it’s necessary and beautiful for our children to recognize and internalize how awesome they are. Ultimately, this resiliency tree is a metaphor for the resiliency inside each of them. The mural gives them an opportunity to share with others the beauty of their internal tree. Our programming offers water and fertilizer, but the kids themselves are the ones to make their resiliency grow stronger and more beautiful. That’s how amazing they are.

Putting the Past Behind

 By Employment Job Coach, Constance Taylor

It’s always exciting to see a Community LINC graduate family gainfully employed, in their permanent home and happy again. I recently walked into a gas station and heard a voice call my name. A former Community LINC resident, Jalissa, spotted me, and told me, “I thank God for Community LINC. I knew I could do it but the program really helped me get it together. We have our own place now, I have a car, and I am still working. I am a manager at the store now. We are so happy. One of her children said to me, “I spilled some ice cream on the seat, but my mother wiped it off.” WOW but a sight to behold! For the next several days, I cried every time I thought of them.

I remember the day this young lady showed up in my office really sad and discouraged about her life. We cried together. She had a temp job when she entered the program, but was not hired on full time. She shared how she was tired of instability, and wanted a better life for her son as he grew older and more aware of their lifestyle. She told me how her son would lie down beside her in bed at night and ask questions trying to understand her life.  I told her that her life could be different.

 We cried and prayed and she left determined to do something different. Finally it happened, Jalissa got a job working as a sales associate. I would see her walk some of her children to daycare, put others on the school bus and then walk to work. She continued to put money in her savings and finally she was ready to move to her new home.

Jalissa and her children are happy. She received a promotion at work, and with her new budgeting skills, was able to purchase her own car. She overcame her barriers and created a healthy, wholesome environment for her children. She vows to never go back but only move forward. This is how you put the past behind. 

The Power of Language

By Victoria Stracke, CTI Case Manager

Language is powerful. We have the opportunity, especially as front line workers, to empower the people we work with. This begins with the words we use and the way we frame our sentences. As an example: Is someone homeless? Or are they experiencing homelessness? The first sentence is likely the more popular phrase, but places someone in a box. It allows homelessness to define an individual. The second phrase comes from a mindset that the person is just that, a person.

When we use person-centered language, we acknowledge the challenges someone is facing while still recognizing their humanity and individuality. Person-centered language is hopeful, instead of placing someone in the role of “victim. “Individuals identify less with their challenges or limitations, and instead see a path for change and growth.

Communication is a powerful tool that can, and does, influence perspective (not only for individuals, but society as well). In knowing this, I am making a personal effort to be mindful of my words, especially when working with our residents. I believe by doing this, we have the opportunity to help our residents see past their barriers and provide them with the hope they need to imagine a brighter future for themselves—a future where they are not defined by where they live or what they can afford, but instead are recognized for who they are and what they are capable of.

Finding Community in Kansas City

By Myra Jenkins, Children’s Program Volunteer

Community LINC is a community within Kansas City.  In these buildings, there is a vibrant, safe place to call home. Though temporary, it offers support and steps to heal, regroup, and stabilize.  Staff, therapists, facilitators, advocates and donors come together with families in time of need. 

At Community LINC I have the privilege of being a Volunteer Advocate with the Children’s Program.  While parents receive support and skills to be re-housed and employed, we are trusted and responsible for watching over their children and teens – the neighborhood’s children.  I am part of a team that provides an environment for stress-free fun and learning resilience during a period of sudden change, stress, and uncertainty. 

I grew up in a family that felt being part of a community was a privilege that came with responsibility.  Through my parents I learned the importance and benefits of belonging to a community.  Every individual and family in our neighborhood was an active participant on one level or another, at one time or another, which allowed our community to thrive.

Our community came together in times of celebration, support or need.  Borrowing an egg, a cup of sugar, an ear to listen, giving a kind word and watching over the neighborhood children not only took care of a need, but bonded families and affirmed that we all needed each other.  It is how the good Lord made us – human.   It is how places become communities.  Though I am now miles away from that neighborhood and now call Kansas City my home, I continue to live life in the same spirit of sharing and service.

If being a member of a community means giving and receiving for the good of the community, then yes, I have become a member in Kansas City at Community LINC. I offer only time, support and friendship, but my spirit has gained so much more from this opportunity, this community.

Volunteering is a part of who I am and it all started as a teenager. My first volunteer role was candy striper at the local hospital. As an adult, I volunteered in hospice, as a grief facilitator, as a patient advocate in both nursing and assisted-living facilities, as a high school parent liaison. I volunteered with the American Red Cross during Hurricane Katrina, and with other various church and community activities. 

Life changes have blessed me with an opportunity to pursue a new career and because volunteerism has impacted my life, I am currently completing a degree in social work at the University of Central Missouri.

Acceptance Instead of Judgement

By Dacia Moore, Aftercare Mental Wellness Therapist

 “I want to be a momma!” That is the slide that changed my life. 

On Wednesday, I attended a lunch presentation on poverty.  The speaker, Dr. Donna M. Beegle, is a former homeless woman who has successfully risen out of poverty to the middle class with an earned doctorate and financial stability.

Her presentation described how we, as community leaders/helpers can be more impactful when dealing with people in poverty.  Donna, as she likes to be called, lived in generational poverty.  Her parents and grandparents were migrant workers. That was the expectation she had for her life as well, but something changed her.  It was a pilot program that helped her move from poverty to the middle class.  Donna shares her story around the country, helping agencies and schools understand poverty, not only from her own personal experience, but also from the communication theory and resiliency theory body or research.

During the middle of her presentation she displayed a slide…  “I want to be a momma.”  Donna went on to explain that many people in poverty already feel hopeless about their future.  They don’t expect to do better, they don’t believe they will be successful and they struggle with self-esteem issues.  Since everybody wants to feel good about something, what’s left?  “I may never be rich, but I know that at least I can be a good momma,” is the thinking of many women in poverty. 

I was stunned.  I have been struggling with the fact that a few of my aftercare clients are pregnant, again.  My middle class mind was thinking, “How can you have another baby? And WHY would you want another baby?  You can’t afford the kids you have now!”

But that is Donna’s point. Our clients don’t have middle class thinking; they think differently than we do, and as providers, we need to understand that.

As an example, before having this “ah-ha” moment, I may have responded to this client by saying “Can you afford a child right now?  That may not be a good decision.”

Now, after my ah-ha moment, I may respond with “I understand you want to make a difference with somebody and matter.  Let’ talk more about that.”

Do you see the difference?  Response one was judgmental, not at all what my client needs.

Response two is more understanding and accepting; it keeps the door open for more conversations.

As providers we need to understand the culture of poverty and not be so quick to judge or rescue. 

I’m working with an agency to bring Donna back to KC and will make sure that we all have the opportunity to attend.  I sure hope she returns, I could use some more “ah-ha” moments. 

A Mother's Dream Come True

By Constance Taylor, Employment Job Coach

When Edwina joined our family at Community LINC she was very pleasant, but withdrawn and extremely independent. Although she wanted to finish college and get her degree she knew her highest priority was to continue working to secure permanent housing for herself and her two little boys. School would have to wait until the future as her children needed a place to call home.

Edwina had a few barriers prevented her from moving forward:  lack of transportation and several outstanding bills.  After working with Edwina and noticing her attitude towards reaching her goals, I realized that she was highly self-motivated.  She was introduced to Community LINC at the right time. Having a place to stay for a few months without the responsibility of paying rent and utilities, she was able to put herself in better financial position by saving her money.  Within a short time she had located a warrant amnesty program which removed $3,000 in traffic tickets and fees. Her face truly beamed as she shared her good news. Without a valid driver’s license and reliable transportation, Edwina had struggled to maintain employment and was unable to transport her children to and from daycare.  Through the Community LINC budgeting classes and savings plan she will be able to soon purchase her own car

Sometimes our dreams are not always bright lights.  Edwina works a split shift at a local restaurant.  In between shifts she picks her children up at the daycare and brings them home. Later she returns the children to daycare, then returns to work to finish her next shift.  Although she is making minimum wage Edwin has managed to save more than $1,000.  A few weeks ago, during apartment inspections, we entered Edwina’s apartment and found her fast asleep still in her work uniform.  Edwina wants the best for herself and her children and is willing to do all she can to overcome homelessness.  Recently, she informed me that she located an outside agency to assist in paying off a past judgement that will clear the way for her to move into the apartment complex of her choice with her boys.

After she moves to her new home, her next goal is to improve her income and finish school. One of the most exciting things in the world for me is to witness participants like Edwina overcome their barriers and move forward. The big smile on her face every time she meets an expectation is an over the top experience that brings my heart joy. Edwina and her sons are definitely moving in the right direction to become self- sufficient again.